2 am: Bill Clinton calls, desperate for advice. What tie to wear for inauguration? Chide him for forgetting five-hour time difference, suggest he wear an Aloha shirt, go back to sleep. [2] 8 am: To work up an appetite for breakfast, swim two laps around Oahu towing an Atlantis submarine by a rope clenched between […]
“A little warm for a fire, don’t you think?” “It’s for inspiration, not warmth.” “Well, it’ll burn better if you stop poking it.” “I’m tickling it. To amuse it. You know, Shakespeare? Oh, to amuse a fire?” “I don’t think you’re remembering that right.” “And if tickling doesn’t work, I’ll try poetry or knock-knock jokes.” […]
Harold had expected the last dragon would be … larger. “Disappointing, I know.” The dragon, barely three feet long, spoken in a voice like a bamboo flute—high, thin and melancholy. “Hardly a challenge at all. Go ahead, kill me. Get it over with.” “I’m not here to kill you,” Harold said. “You’re a link to […]
“So, how does this work, exactly?” “First step is intake. That’s what we’re doing now. We’ll determine your goals and map out a strategy for how to achieve them. You’ll train in our bubble—the entire facility is temporally isolated—and we’ll reinsert you into the timestream when you’re ready. Guaranteed return within ten minutes of pickup. […]
“Do you see anything you like?” “Yes. Could you tell me about the Donzheur?” “Ah. It’s pronounced Danger, just like it’s spelled. But I’d love to recommend something else. Do you know what you’ll be ordering for dinner?” “The wine is called Danger?” “Yes. Because it’s …” “… dangerous?” “Exactly. Now, if you were thinking […]
“Did you know, Mr. Peterson, that a human being can drown in just two inches of water?” Stephen Peterson did not know that. Nor did he care. He did recognize the false charm of the obsequious fuck standing between him and the gilded door as a standard tactic of gatekeepers and snobs. All full here, […]
A gray bus under a gray sky makes its way along a lonely rode to who knows where. The passengers, in identical gray uniforms, don’t speak to each other, even those sharing a bench seat. Perhaps they are disoriented or fearful. Perhaps their thoughts, too, are gray, not worth sharing aloud. Forty passengers, forty strangers, […]
Jacob tugged his older brother’s hand. “Can we go in? I don’t like it.” “It’s a nice night,” Carter said. “Get a bug bite?” “C’mon, we can watch something.” “Cable’s still out. Less you want to watch a book.” Carter shook Jacob’s hand off. “I don’t like the moon when it’s full. Staring at me […]
He said the noise outside that night was probably just feral cats, but the tracks she saw in the frost the next morning were the size of her outstretched hand, with long, sharp claws. And there were hundreds of them …
“Okay, that’s the third guy this week that’s called me ‘plump.’ What the fuck? Since when is it acceptable to comment on a woman’s body? Even if it does have, as has been mansplained to me at least twice, ‘positive connotations.’ Is this a small town thing?” “I keep forgetting you’re new here. I think […]
Love, Blood & Rhetoric 