Here’s the script for the (fingers crossed) eventual music video for Jenny’s Revenge.
This runs six and a half pages (not that you can see page breaks here), which is at least two and a half pages long. Normally a page of screenplay corresponds to one minute of screen time, and the original song runs just 3:52.
INT. DIVE BAR BATHROOM - NIGHT Archaeological layers upon layers of graffiti cover the walls. In large, black letters is written, "FOR A GOOD TIME CALL," then scratched out and overwritten in angry, red letters "DTF." REVEAL a phone number, in the same hand as the original: 867-5309. EXT. KAILUA BEACH PARK - NIGHT A YOUNG WOMAN sits on a picnic table, boots on the bench, surrounded by grass and trees. The SOUND OF SURF in the distance. This is JENNY, a 20-something, local girl with long black hair and a (metaphorical) axe to grind. She's carving something on the table with an enormous DAGGER. Her phone, on vibrate, skitters on the table with an incoming call. The display reads: ASSHOLE EX. Jenny hits IGNORE CALL and continues carving. JENNY (singing) Since I dumped you, all the boys call me Hot and bothered, hoping to maul me. You wrote my name and number on the wall, And now they're dying, but it's all your fault. Jenny's phone buzzes again. The display reads: UNKNOWN NUMBER. She answers. INT. DIVE BAR BATHROOM - NIGHT A badly dressed guy in his 20s traces the number on the wall with one fat finger while he talks on the phone. This is GUY ONE. GUY ONE (singing, on phone) I heard that you're a "fun" girl. Can we meet up tonight? Guy One's phone pings. He has a text: a MAP with a pin of Jenny's location (Kailua Beach Park). He fist pumps. EXT. KAILUA BEACH PARK - NIGHT Jenny's phone shows the same MAP (just sent). She sends a text: "DTF 😈⚔" and pockets her phone. JENNY (singing) He really wants to Eff me, Doesn't know that Eff means I'm Down to Fight. Guy One approaches Jenny, waves uncertainly. Jenny smiles and throws him a RAPIER. Guy One catches it, bewildered. Jenny is already en garde. She launches into a running attack. JENNY (singing) Eight-six-seven, five-three-oh-nine. NOTE: each number corresponds to a particular target/line of attack, and she attacks on the beat. 8 = right leg, 6 = right arm, 7 = left leg, 5 = head, 3 = right arm, 0 = evasion, 9 = head. Guy One struggles to defend himself, barely throwing up parries. He attempts a feeble counter-attack on the same lines, with different moves. GUY ONE (singing) Eight-six-seven? Jenny returns the attack. JENNY (singing) Five-three-oh-nine. Jenny finishes the phrase with a final thrust, skewering Guy One. As she's wiping the blood from her sword, her phone rings again. INT. DIVE BAR BATHROOM - NIGHT REVEAL Jenny's NAME, below her number. GUY TWO, even sleazier than Guy One calls: GUY TWO (singing, on phone) Jenny, Jenny, we should get busy. INTERCUT PARK/BATHROOM JENNY (singing, on phone) Come on, dude, you don't even know me. GUY TWO (singing, on phone) I'd make you happy, if you'd just let me. JENNY (singing, on phone) You think you want me, come here and get me. Guy two's PHONE pings with a MAP. EXT. PARK - NIGHT Jenny sits on the table again, her usual pose, feet on the bench, long hair blowing in the ocean breeze. Guy Two approaches Jenny from behind, boots scuffing in the wet grass. He walks right by the body of Guy One without noticing. He bounds up onto the table, sliding in beside Jenny, smooth as fuck, with his arm already around her as he sits. Jenny turns on him, lifting her rapier to his throat. JENNY (singing) Baby, you called my number, Now I'm going to make you cry. Jenny presses a second rapier into Guy Two's hand. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Never forget my number ... Jenny throws him off the bench, gaining enough distance for her attack. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. After "nine," she executes a flick, opening a cut on Guy Two's cheek. Guy Two, enraged, comes at Jenny. He fights better than Guy One, and there's more back and forth. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Again, Jenny has the advantage, and, with an extra move, delivers a wound to Guy Two's left arm, drawing blood. The fight intensifies, Guy Two trying to press his size and strength advantage, to no avail. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Jenny, with another extra move, stabs Guy Two's wrist, disarming him. Now she's just toying with him as Guy Two attempts to evade and open-hand parry her attacks. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Jenny delivers the final blow with venom, killing Guy Two. INT. DIVE BAR BATHROOM - NIGHT A GROUP OF GUYS are crowded into the bathroom, laughing and pointing out their conquests to GUY THREE. GROUP OF GUYS (singing) Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. I hit that, (I tapped that), I tapped that I called the number on the wall, I hit that, (I tapped that), I tapped that (to Guy Three) Bro, you gotta, for a good time, call ... EXT. KAILUA BEACH PARK - NIGHT Guy Three carries a bottle of wine--he thinks he's on a date. GUY THREE (singing) Jenny, I heard a rumor You show the guys good times ... Jenny advances on Guy Three, sword drawn. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Honey, it's not a "rumor," It's just a big, fat lie. Guy Three stumbles back, dropping the wine and TRIPPING over the BODY OF GUY TWO. He picks up Guy Two's rapier to defend himself. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Jenny kills Guy Three without effort. He's still standing, dead on his feet, as ... ... GUY FOUR and GUY FIVE approach together from behind Jenny, unaware. GUY FOUR (singing) Jenny, Jenny, you make me so horny ... Jenny turns, bloody rapier in hand, letting the lifeless body of Guy Three slump to the ground. She doesn't even give Guy Four an opportunity to arm himself. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Guy Five, horrified, puts up his hands and starts backing away. GUY FIVE (singing) Jenny, Jenny, please, I'm so sorry ... Jenny cuts him down. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. A GANG OF TEN GUYS appears. Unlike the previous doofuses, these guys are armed, and they mean business. They know what they want, and they're going to take it. The GANG closes in on Jenny. She backs up to maintain distance, and they surround her. Jenny, undaunted, pulls her dagger from her belt and strikes an en garde. She nods: let's do this. The guys rush in. JENNY (CONT'D) (singing) Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Five-three-oh-nine. Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Five-three-oh-nine. Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Five-three-oh-nine. Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Jenny is a whirlwind, attacking and defending (and singing) in all directions at once. The gang falls, one by one. Jenny slams her dagger point first into the picnic table. She stands atop the table, surveying the carnage. Fifteen BODIES litter the landscape. REVEAL Jenny's completed CARVING in the picnic table, "DTF = Down To Fight," the dagger embedded in the wood next to it. Jenny's PHONE buzzes in her pocket. She pulls it out with her free hand. The display reads "ASSHOLE EX." Jenny cancels the call with a message: "Can't talk now. Meet me?" and sends a map with a pin of her location.